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Anger Management 101

Posted on August 15, 2018 in Uncategorized - 0

We all get angry sometimes and this is totally normal, but if your anger is interfering with daily function, work life or affecting relationships, it’s time to question what is fuelling this feeling, and how to best manage the outburst.

Here are some alternative ways to manage anger:

1.Stop and think. Although this is counterintuitive to the feeling of anger, maintaining enough composure to ask yourself some important questions may help you in the long run.                                                                                        Questions like:

  • What has happened here that I don’t like? Put it in terms of who did what without over analysing.
  • Do I need to talk about it, or is it something that can be overlooked?
  • Is it something that the other person can do something about?
  • What do I actually want?

2. Negotiate with the other person. While you are negotiating, remember the following:

  • Create a solution that everyone can accept and keep looking for a solution to the original problem.
  • Take time out if necessary, but make sure you listen and understand what is being said before responding.
  • Do not give in just to end the argument.
  • Be sure you can do and will do what you agree on.
  • Hold firmly to your values while remaining flexible on how you exemplify them.

3. Brainstorm with the other person some possible solutions and keep the discussion focused on the behaviour that will solve the problem.

4. Review your progress. And acknowledge behaviour changes to people making the effort, including your own.

Although it is important to manage angry behaviour, the underlying feeling that are bubbling below the surface must also be addressed to truly move forward in a positive direction. A psychologist can help you understand negative feelings that may be causing anger as well as any other problematic behaviour or associated illness, like depression.

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Anger Management 101

Posted on August 15, 2018 in Uncategorized - 0

We all get angry sometimes and this is totally normal, but if your anger is interfering with daily function, work life or affecting relationships, it’s time to question what is fuelling this feeling, and how to best manage the outburst.

Here are some alternative ways to manage anger:

1.Stop and think. Although this is counterintuitive to the feeling of anger, maintaining enough composure to ask yourself some important questions may help you in the long run.                                                                                        Questions like:

  • What has happened here that I don’t like? Put it in terms of who did what without over analysing.
  • Do I need to talk about it, or is it something that can be overlooked?
  • Is it something that the other person can do something about?
  • What do I actually want?

2. Negotiate with the other person. While you are negotiating, remember the following:

  • Create a solution that everyone can accept and keep looking for a solution to the original problem.
  • Take time out if necessary, but make sure you listen and understand what is being said before responding.
  • Do not give in just to end the argument.
  • Be sure you can do and will do what you agree on.
  • Hold firmly to your values while remaining flexible on how you exemplify them.

3. Brainstorm with the other person some possible solutions and keep the discussion focused on the behaviour that will solve the problem.

4. Review your progress. And acknowledge behaviour changes to people making the effort, including your own.

Although it is important to manage angry behaviour, the underlying feeling that are bubbling below the surface must also be addressed to truly move forward in a positive direction. A psychologist can help you understand negative feelings that may be causing anger as well as any other problematic behaviour or associated illness, like depression.

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What kids need after parental separation

Posted on August 10, 2018 in Uncategorized - 0

Marital separation can be a stressful and emotionally difficult time for families, with the focus often on children and how they might cope. Seeing a psychologist during this time, can help parents and children manage the transition, with practical advice and information to help parents build a secure base for your children. How children and adolescents react to their parents’ separation will differ with age, thought to be due to cognitive development and maturity, as older children become more capable of understanding the reasons and implications of a marital separation.

To break it down into simple points, all children need after parental separation is:

  • Protection from parental conflict.
  • A secure emotional base.
  • Help to solve their problems.
  • Firm and reasonable limits to be safely independent.
  • A trusted parent when they need to be dependent.
  • Encouragement to learn.
  • Routines that help them feel in control.
  • Protection from trauma.
  • Protection from parental stress about ongoing unresolved issues with ex-partners.

To break down needs further into age groups:

Infants need:

  • Parents who are tuned into their needs
  • Predictability
  • A lot of time with parents who nurture them
  • Parents who play with them, listen carefully to their efforts to communicate, keep their world safe.
  • Visiting schedules that don’t cause too much change.

Preschoolers need:

  • Plenty of time with their parents to know that they’re still there for them.
  • Reassurance that they will see the absent parent again.
  • Familiar rituals to help make the transition between parents.

Young primary school-aged children need:

  • Help to see that they’re not to blame for the separation.
  • Parents who stay interested and in touch with their school, activities and friends.
  • Encouragement to talk about their feelings.
  • Reassurance that the absent parent still loves them.
  • Clear boundaries to help them manage behaviour that may be a reaction to the separation.
  • Help during transitions between parents. 

Older primary school-aged children need:

  • Reminder that it is not their responsibility to look after their parents’ well-being.
  • Routines that are predictable, and consistent rules and expectations.
  • Parents who can make room for thinking about their children’s needs apart from their own.
  • Permission to love the other parent.
  • Parents who listen carefully to how they feel about things.

Adolescents need:

  • Daily stress in their life kept as low as possible.
  • Parents to be available daily to listen and give support.
  • Predictable routines, consistent rules and expectations.
  • Parents who are able to supervise them, and take a real interest in their lives.
  • Time and space to work out their own reactions to their parents’ separation.
  • Flexibility in arrangements to allow them to participate in normal adolescent social activities and school events.

If you or your family need support during a separation or are experiencing marriage difficulties, seeing a psychologist can be a positive step forward. You can view our team of Clinical Psychologists here to see who is experienced in this field or call our friendly reception team to discuss who may be the right person to see: Newmarket (07) 3356 8255 or Morningside (07) 3395 8633.

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Life After Yo-Yo Diets

Posted on August 7, 2018 in Uncategorized - 0

How a Psychologist Can Help You Lose Weight

Kathryn Smith, Clinical Psychologist 

Why is it that despite starting off with the best intentions, so many of us fail when we go on a diet?

Often the answer to this question is that our goals around health and weight loss are unrealistic or difficult to maintain. Imagine  you are playing a sport and every time you attempted to kick a goal you continued to fall short. After a while, you begin to ask the question “What’s the point?” and then you come to the conclusion of giving up.

Diet and exercise often fall into this category. So instead of aiming for the same goal, the idea is to move the goal posts closer. So in practical terms, if you haven’t been exercising at all, it’s not realistic to expect that you will do intensive one hour exercise sessions 5 times a week. Rather it would be more practical to aim for a mild to moderate exercise session of 1 to 2 times a week. Once you are successful with maintaining this, then you can either increase the intensity, duration or frequency. It is also best to try and set your exercise sessions at the same time and day as let’s face it, we are creatures of habit!

Now what to do about eating?…

Eating is one of those essential activities we must do. It is very tempting to go on a popular diet but not always practical, and it often doesn’t teach us what we need to eat when we reach our goal weight. An easier way to begin controlling your diet and reducing your energy intake is to begin to be mindful of what you are eating, when, how, how much, how often and what are your thoughts about it.

Below are some simple tips on mindful eating habits that are likely to lead to weight loss and maintenance.

  1. Be sure to notice what food you are eating. Observe the textures, taste, smell and even sound. The more you observe, often the more satisfied you feel.
  2. Ask yourself “Am I hungry?” Often we eat simply out of habit rather than need.
  3. Make eating a purposeful activity. Attempt to avoid eating food on the run or whilst doing other activities as this often discounts the experience of ingesting and enjoying food.
  4. Be mindful of the energy content of food and drinks. If unsure, look it up as often this information is quite enlightening and can clarify a source of previously discounted kilojoules. Don’t mistake fat free or gluten free for being kilojoule free!
  5. Monitor your weight weekly. Without this feedback, it is difficult to know if you are on the right track.
  6. Observe your inner experience. Research indicates that it takes on average 15-20 minutes for the stretch receptors in our stomach to send a message of satiety to our brain. So before you rush off for a second helping, maybe wait and see.
  7. Finally be mindful of your self talk. Take a self compassionate viewpoint. Gently encourage yourself as you would a friend if you make some poorer choices or do not have the expected weight loss. Avoid the “all or nothing approach” as many people will give up their new regime as soon as they have missed something.

Remember, to win the war, you may need to lose a few battles.

Each day is a new experience and presents a new opportunity.

Be kind and nurture yourself.

To read more about Kathryn and our team of Clinical Psychologists, view her profile here.

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Why couple’s therapy should not be your relationship’s last resort

Posted on August 7, 2018 in Uncategorized - 0

People often think of ‘Couples Counselling’ as the last resort to save a relationship; a cry for help when the relationship’s engine has completely broken down. This is simply the wrong approach. Just like we need mechanics to tune our car engine, accountants to fix our tax and dentists to polish the smile bones; therapists can help us keep what’s most precious in top nick too!

Couples counselling is a really positive way to encourage open and clear communication between two people in a romantic relationship. Often, despite best intentions, the busyness of work and family life, can get in the way of tuning your relationship’s engine and poor communication and entrenched negative behaviours can cause it to break down. But just like your car, teeth or finances, it’s best to avoid breaking point before enlisting help.

What is Couple’s Therapy?

At Psychology Consultants we have a number of clinical psychologists, specifically trained in the field of relationship counselling. Our Clinical Psychologists use a range of therapeutic interventions to gain insight into your relationship, employing strategies to resolve conflict and improve your satisfaction with each other. Problems may range from specific issues, like sex, money and spending, to generalised concerns with communication and emotions. Your therapist will focus on providing practical everyday solutions to improve your relationship, like rules of engagement, how you agree to talk and interact with one another.

Often ideas of how relationships should function are based on how our parents or family members interact and this is not always ideal. Discussing roles, responsibilities within the relationship as well as mutually acceptable styles of communication can reveal differences in ideologies, sometimes the root of the problem.

Most people come away from couple’s therapy with a much deeper understanding of their partner, having spent time understanding each other’s perspective and emotional needs. It also aims to improve communication and develop better conflict resolution skills, with the outcome often improving the individuals emotional and mental health. Couple’s therapy not only resolve current issues but may prevent major breakdowns. So rather than consider couples therapy as a last resort, reframe it and add it to your annual “check-up” list.

If you think you and your partner could benefit from couples therapy, check out our team of Clinical Psychologists and their areas of specialisation here.

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Stress a leading cause of mental health issues

Posted on July 23, 2018 in Uncategorized - 0

Today, Tuesday 24th July is Lifeline’s Stress Down Day, an important reminder of the importance of SLOWING DOWN.

For most Australian’s, our daily lives operate at a frantic pace and with smart phone in hand, we can be contacted (or harassed) anywhere, anytime, so it’s little wonder that as a nation our stress levels are at an all-time high. According to a study into stress and wellbeing run by the Australian Psychological Society (APS) in 2014; “Almost two in five Australians reported experiencing at least some depression symptoms, with 13% of these Australians reporting depression symptoms in the severe to extremely severe range [and] more than one quarter of Australians reported experiencing at least some anxiety symptoms, with 13% of these Australians reporting severe to extremely severe levels of anxiety.”

But rather than sit back and accept these statistics, let’s take charge, make a change and start reducing daily stress levels.

Here are 5 practical ways to regain work life balance and improve your health and wellbeing…

  1. Set boundaries around work time and location

Making a rule around not bringing work into the home can be difficult, especially with the expectation that we must be accessible 24/7. But by leaving the laptop at work you may also be more likely to leave the stress of work there too. If you work from home or it is simply not feasible to do this in your position, allocating set times that you work and areas of the house that you work from, may help you ‘shut off’ and stop work stress seeping into your home life.

  1. Put the Smart Phone Down!

According to a Roy Morgan Research study, 45% of Australian smart phone owners (14+ years) say they can’t live without their mobiles. Our obsession and absolute dependence on our smart phones are making it even more difficult to walk away from work with emails accessible at a swipe. Forming some healthy habits around when and where you use your smart phone may help you switch off, allowing you to relax, be present and enjoy home life. Research also shows that the blue/green light omitted from smart phones impacts negatively on sleep, so keeping phones and laptops away from the bedroom is a must.

  1. Share and commit to the plan

Sharing your plan to ‘leave work at the office’ with loved ones or friends will help make your commitment real. Give them the power to call you on it, if you are sneaking in one more email before bed or taking calls when you should be relaxing with the kids. Sharing your ‘de-stress plan’ and forming a good support network will also help share the burden of stress or help manage the symptoms.

  1. Form an End of Work Ritual

Making a cue or signal that works has finished for the day may help your brain switch off. Whether it is going for a run, hitting the pilates studio or listening to music on the way home, these are simple ways to say to yourself and others, ‘I am done for the day’!

  1. Exercise

There really is no better de-stressor than exercise. This can be time just for you to unwind, work on your fitness and have a bit of “me time”.  Exercise has been clinically proven to increase serotonin levels in the brain and is a natural mood enhancer. It can also help you think things through, decompress and work through any baggage you may have taken on for the day.

Achieving the right work life balance can be a challenge in our fast pace society but by learning how to manage stress; you can significantly improve your health and wellbeing. If you are struggling with stress, talking to a professional can help. Psychology Consultants have a team of Clinical Psychologists based at Morningside and Newmarket, who are experienced in stress management. Visit the Brisbane Psychologists page of our website to view the team and their areas of specialisation.

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Combatting irrational fears by making them boring!

Posted on July 3, 2018 in Uncategorized - 0

Feeling fearful is natural, an inbuilt human survival instinct; stemming from our caveman times when survival really was a matter of life and death. Modern day fears though, are often irrational fears or phobia where little or no realistic threat exists. The reality of the posed threat however, is irrelevant to those suffering from irrational fears, and often those afflicted are imprisoned by avoidance behaviour, preventing them from enjoying life and often leading to depression.

Some fears or phobias are less constrictive to everyday life, like a fear of snakes when you live in the city, whereas other phobias, like a fear of driving or social situations, can impede on everyday function. Interestingly, above fear of heights, snakes or flying, social phobia is reported as the most commonly held fear. Avoiding the feared situation is a natural response to reduce feelings of anxiety in the short term, however in the long term, the severity of the fear will only worsen. When fears are putting the hand-break on your life, it’s time to enlist professional help to kick those fears to the curb by challenging them to a duel.

One of the most well-known psychological practices for overcoming irrational thoughts and anxieties is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). This involves challenging irrational thoughts as they enter the mind and shutting them down as to change action and behaviour. Once the thoughts are being cognitively challenged, the next step as a part of CBT is to overcome the specific phobias is by facing them front on. For many people, confronting the fear in real life situations, as stressful as it may be, is the only way out.

Exposing people or animals to things repeatedly so that they become so familiar and unstimulating, is what psychologists refer to as ‘Exposure Therapy’. This form of therapy is widely considered the most effective treatment for anxiety disorders and specific phobias. Essentially, the theory is based on facing your fears directly, not only by challenging the thoughts but by carrying out the feared action or immersing yourself in the feared situation to gradually decrease your sensitivity to the fear; in the end make it ‘boring’.

There are several variations of exposure therapy and your psychologist can help you determine which strategy is best suited to you. Exposure therapy can be a stress provoking experience and is best practiced under the guidance of a psychologist who will create a safe environment for you when undergoing this treatment. A gradual approach is often recommended with each confrontation or experience revealing new realities, building confidence and gaining power over those irrational thoughts and fears.

However difficult confronting those fears may be, the long-term benefits, far outweigh the short-term discomfort, setting you free to live life to its fullest. If you are a prisoner to your fears, take action today by seeing a psychologist. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

 

 

 

 

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The Healing Power of Sleep

Posted on June 29, 2018 in Uncategorized - 0

Kathryn Smith, Clinical Psychologist & Curt Gray, Psychiatrist & Facilitators of Towards Better Sleep

When you skimp on sleep, your body goes into overdrive and operating on an empty tank can have some pretty heavy side effects. Here’s three reasons why getting better sleep can heal your mind, body and soul.

1. You eat less when you have slept better

A recent finding from a study in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, revealed that people ate up to 300 fewer calories when they had adequate sleep and there are many reasons for this. One being the part of the brain that controls sleep, also plays a part in appetite stimulation. It is also true, that when you are tired you are more likely to crave carbohydrates and have less will-power to resist food. The obvious link between weight and sleep is simply based on the fact that you spend less hours awake consuming calories.

2. Better Sleep improves mood

It’s no secret that we have our cranky pants on when sleep has fallen to the wayside. Over time, this can have an accumulative effect and low mood can result.  Evidence suggests that people with insomnia have a ten-fold risk of developing depression compared with those who sleep well (National Sleep Foundation). Sleep helps to restore the body and mind and in turn we are able to have a more positive outlook on life.

3. Sleep helps to repair the body physically

While you are snoozing, your body is busy repairing itself, tissues and muscles (including out brain) are being rejuvenated, helping your wake up, ready to take on the world. Sleep, also helps the body defend against disease, as you make more white blood cells when in la-la-land, meaning you are less likely to get sick when well rested.

If you are struggling with ongoing insomnia and sleep difficulties, Towards Better Sleep, group insomnia programme could be the long-term solution you are looking for. The next programme starts on 12th July from Psychology Consultants Morningside. Groups run with a maximum of 9 people so places are limited .Register today by calling (07) 3356 8255 or email newmarket@psychologyconsultants.com.au

For more information on the programme visit: http://www.towardsbettersleep.com.au/

 

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More than a case of the Winter Blues

Posted on June 19, 2018 in Uncategorized - 0

Kathryn Smith, Clinical Psychologist

Ever noticed a yearly pattern of feeling sad and depressed during the winter months? While its normal to experience a change in mood during winter, some people, especially those living in very cold climates, experience what is called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). SAD is defined as pattern of major depressive episodes that occur and remit with seasonal change, usually seen in the winter months in cold and dark climates.

People experiencing SAD will show symptoms of depressive behaviour including hypersomnia, changes in appetite including craving carbohydrates that inevitably leads to weight gain as well as a lack of social engagement.

There is some debate over the validity of SAD, after all its natural for people to slow down in winter as days grow shorter and colder. The condition is less commonly seen in northern parts of Australia where we experience a milder, shorter winter. However, in colder climates where light is limited and days are short, SAD can occur and statistically young women are at higher risk.

Research continues into the exact cause of the disorder but theories around the reduction of sunlight during winter affecting serotonin and melatonin, natural chemicals that regulate sleep and mood, are likely causes.

SAD is considered a specific version of major depression and symptoms are therefore quite similar. Below is a list of common depressive symptoms that may be experienced with both SAD and clinical depression.

  • Depressed mood
  • Changes in sleep, either too much or not enough
  • Changes in appetite and weight gain
  • Feelings of hopelessness
  • Lethargy
  • Heaviness in arms and legs
  • Difficulties focusing on tasks
  • Loss of pleasure in activities you usually enjoy
  • And for some, thoughts of death or suicide

Whether its summer, autumn, winter or spring, how you feel inside is real and it’s important not to sweep it under the carpet and hope your mood improves. Enlisting the help of a psychologist or mental health professionals can help people who are feeling depressed to assess the thinking patterns that may cause negative thoughts and behaviours.

So, for those of you who do experience a yearly cold snap slump, or if you have been struggling with prolonged depressed mood, seeking professional help is the best way forward.

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Don’t believe everything you think – teaching kids the power of positive thinking

Posted on June 18, 2018 in Uncategorized - 0

The human mind is like a complicated road map, complete with wonderful journeys, total dead-ends and routes that are fraught with danger. Learning how to guide our internal navigators to take the path less ravelled, is no easy feat, especially for our pint-sized counterparts.

By educating our youngsters in positive thinking and mindfulness, we can help develop a generation of resilient, liberators, empowered by a robust sense of self-worth. Teaching mindfulness is helpful when reinforcing positive thinking, as the first step to dispelling negative thought, is to stop and recognise it when it pops into our head. It is important to remind our children (and ourselves); ‘Don’t believe everything you think.’

Setting an example, by talking positively about yourself, sends a very powerful message to children. Practicing mindfulness, being aware of your own negative self-talk, and talking positively about life in general, provides an environment in which your little mimic can thrive. Recognising the core values that define you as a person, and talking about your own strengths and weaknesses, will help your child understand that everyone, adults included, have different strengths and weaknesses and that despite, status and material commodity, it is these core values that really matter.

This leads to the next point, of not falling into the comparison trap. Teaching children to avoid comparing yourself to others is an important lesson of self-acceptance, but also best led by example. This is not only true of material things, like cars, houses and clothes, but also of our personal differences, strengths and weaknesses.

Learning that it is okay to fail, as this means you tried, will help children experience life with a hands-on attitude. Teaching self-compassion can be a useful way to dissipate feelings of invalidity or inadequacy when children fail or fall-short of personal expectations. An easy way to put this into practice is to think about how you would treat your friend in the same situation and apply those words of praise and kindness to yourself.

Children should know that we are all born with the potential to achieve and succeed. By learning to short-circuit our inner critic from an early age, we are paving the path to ultimate personal fulfilment.  Like Christopher Reeve once said, “So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable”.

If you or your child needs help with controlling negative thoughts, visit the website to peruse our team of Clinical Psychologists and their individual areas of expertise.

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